On Real Women and Being Inclusive
I think a lot of us have established that “real woman have curves” is hurtful to those of us who don’t have curves. Here’s another take on the issue from Huffington Post by Starre Vartan, a writer and blogger.
I checked in with my slighter friends on this one, and they admit to feeling pushed out of the conversation about bodies just because they are more svelte and – true to form for most kind-minded women, they feel badly about making a fuss, since body image and labels always seem to launch a firestorm or controversy.
It’s true—a lot of us do feel left out of the body image debate because we’re smaller sized, and we feel like we can’t complain because people just shut us up by saying we have the ideal body type (which is untrue). And even worse, medium and large sized women (and even skinny women?) who repeat the phrase real women are perpetuating the divide, when all of us should be working towards the same goal.
I think ‘fat acceptance’ is the wrong way to go; not because I have a problem with fuller-figured women enjoying and celebrating their bodies (I truly applaud those who do and those who lead them!) but because I don’t want their happiness and acceptance to come at the cost of other women. Why do some women have to suffer while others gain?
I don’t think fat acceptance is at fault here. There are plenty of FA bloggers who pretty much deal only with fat people issues and find ways to make themselves feel better without putting down smaller women. In fact, most FA bloggers I’ve met are inclusive of skinny women. It’s the women who aren’t part of any sort of movement who tend to say stuff like “real women have curves” and join Facebook groups like “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls.” When you say things like that, or when you deny that anyone other than larger women can have body image issues, you come across as insecure. You shouldn’t need to put down someone else to build yourself up. But I digress.
Throughout the history of feminism, we’ve seen groups of women pitted against each other, whether it was the old conflict between Flappers and more traditional ladies in the 1920′s, or the newer conflicts between foreign-born nannies and their upper-middle class employers. The best way forward is to work together of course, and support the idea that ALL bodies are beautiful (this goes for men too).
Starre continues on a very good path. She has the right idea, and everyone should heed her advice. Don’t exclude anyone who sympathizes with you and wants to join the cause!
(For the record, I strive for ethnic diversity in the FYSC tumblr and try to post unPhotoshopped photos of real, healthy skinny women and girls. Also, I am not white.)
I think this was one of my favorite quotes from the comment section:
“Great post, I have also find the term “curvy” misleading and exclusionary since there are so many women that are “plus sized” but not hourglass and many women who are “skinny” that are.”
From a lady who runs a lovely plus sized clothing website. I am one such woman mentioned. People attempt to harass me by telling me I am shaped like a boy, that I have no hips/breasts, and that I’m shaped like a stick. Find me a boy with an eleven inch hip/waist difference, and I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
Thanks Terria, glad you liked it!
It’s good (well not good, but reassuring) to know that plus size women get the “shaped like a boy” snark too! Curvy isn’t exclusive to any one size and most women who aren’t “curvy” still have a feminine WHRatio.
Oops, I wasn’t very clear! I’m actually one of the very thin women that get the ‘shaped like a boy’ crap. Although, I do have plus-sized friends who have flat butts and b-cup breasts that get crap for it too. Anyway, the irony is that if I didn’t have the tiny waist that makes me so ‘stick like’, I wouldn’t have any curves at all!
Ooooh I misunderstood! Sorry about that.
“I don’t think fat acceptance is at fault here. There are plenty of FA bloggers who pretty much deal only with fat people issues and find ways to make themselves feel better without putting down smaller women. In fact, most FA bloggers I’ve met are inclusive of skinny women. It’s the women who aren’t part of any sort of movement who tend to say stuff like “real women have curves” and join Facebook groups like “Curvy girls are better than skinny girls.” When you say things like that, or when you deny that anyone other than larger women can have body image issues, you come across as insecure. You shouldn’t need to put down someone else to build yourself up.”
Yes, yes, nail hit on head.
I think we are so entrenched in this culture of body-snark that it’s sometimes hard to move outside of it: in embracing larger bodies, some people forget that it’s just more of the same hurtful rubbish if they trash thin bodies to do it. Fat Acceptance is about transcending that and getting to a point where all bodies are acceptable, all bodies are okay. That’s why it’s so powerful I think.
Thanks for your comment. I am liking FA more as I read more of the fatosphere blogs. Most people are really into the inclusivity thing!
[...] the healthy body image of thin bodies, and pleased to see that it considers fat acceptance to be an ally and not an enemy. We all want the same thing, after all: acceptance of the wide range of body [...]